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Two more beheadings are needed in order for President Obama to maintain his thin approval margin on Syria.

Obama said we had faulty intelligence when assessing the strength of ISIS, also known as ISIL, also known as a good reason to only watch the Cartoon Network.

Some say we had faulty intelligence when we elected Obama.

Here's an update on Chelsea's baby: The baptism will be in Iowa.

It has become mandatory for Democrats running for the senate to file a rifle in their campaign ads -- in touch with their inner Charleston Heston.

I bought a Mitch McConnell bobble head doll, but it wouldn't bobble.

If that fence jumping White House intruder had been a prostitute, the Secret Service agents would have been all over her.

 

We're on the Road to DamascusThat's Syria in case you've lost track.Why Syria? We knew you would ask usTo Bring peace like we did in Iraq.

Behold the new hawkish ObamaWhat happened to our leading dove?And what have we here -- a new liberal cheer"Make war, not love."

We have a coalition to help in this campaignSaudis and Jordanians, Qatar and Bahrain.We hope to hear from LuxembourgAnd with luck from ChadDare we hope for Monaco?We hear their army is bad.

We're off on the road to DamascusThree pledges, please pass them around.I'll respect you in the morning.The check is in the mail.There will be no boots on the ground.

The NFL scandal boils down to this: what did Roger Goodell know and when did he start worrying about the Budweiser account?

How did the White House fence jumping intruder, Omar Gonzales manage to reach the front door? He ran unopposed.

Some Republicans at the fence were caught on camera yelling, "Go, Omar, Go!"

Don't ask me how they knew his name, I'm a reporter, not an explainer.

Mr. Gonzalez told police that he wanted to warn the president that the atmosphere was collapsing. He might have added: "along with the Secret Service's image."

Are you getting an iphone 6? I hear it comes with a catheter kit.

Did the NFL see the second Ray Price tape a long time ago? Rogr that.

Roger Goodell, get it? National Football League Commissioner? A penalty flag in the elevator? Oh -- you only follow junior college badminton? Sorry.

Once again, we call upon the feckless Iraqi army to rescue its own country -- under its commander, Inspector Clouseau.

Rip van Winkle just woke up. In Ferguson, MO, the Civil Rights movement is just beginning. In Ukraine, the Cold War is just beginning and obviously the Iraq War is just beginning. I'm surprised they didn't give an Emmy to "The Beverly Hillbillies". 

Should we make Groundhog Day a legal holiday?

Exhausted from doing nothing, the do-nothing Congress took an August vacation to rest up for the proposed government shut down this Fall. You can't fault them for inconsistency.

Why another shutdown? A: It felt so good the last time. B: To punish Obama for doing something presidential. C: It saves gas.

The answer is B. Republicans threaten a shutdown if Obama orders an immigration overhaul which the House has bottled up since the Alamo fell.

 

At this writing, the red-hot Washington Nationals are seven-and-a-half games ahead of the second place Atlanta Braves. This is the first time Washington has had anything to cheer about since Congressman Eric Cantor was thrown out of the game.

Definition of irony: A Braves fan doing that goofy tomahawk chop while complaining about how offensive the name "Washington Redskins" is.

Incidentally, there will be a name change regarding DC's football team. They will soon be playing in Wounded Knee Stadium.

How long has it been since a Washington baseball team has had this smashing a record? Let's see. The president was Herbert Hoover, alcohol was illegal and Larry King was in Little League.

What a month! Were it not for Rick Perry's indictment, there would be no laughs at all.

Any day now there will be a USO show sent to entertain the troops in Ferguson, Missouri.

See the swaggering reporters overusing the expression "on the ground" in Ferguson. I am on the couch and unimpressed.

I would feel better about the situation if the governor of Missouri was not named Nixon.

As I understand it -- the cop who shot Michael Brown was on jury duty, right?

Following the first two autopsies, President Obama has ordered another. Oh, no -- now John McCain will want one.

The indictment of Texas Governor Rick Perry is overdue. He should have been charged with criminal incompetence during the 2012 debates.

Perry threatened a district attorney who was investigating corruption. In Texas corruption is more common a word than oil, cattle or lethal injection.

A little known word in Texas is chutzpah. Which is what Perry will have if he tries running for president again.

Which brings to mind the old joke about two inmates in the mess hall of a state prison. One says "the food was better here when you were governor."

We're back in Iraq for old times sake.It's Obama's turn to make the same mistakes. He's under fire from the enemy, John McCain, Lindsay Graham and Hillary.

Hillary knocked Obama's simplistic foreign policy rule: Don't do stupid stuff." He seems to have achieved the eloquence of his professor.

And this from an article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine: Republicans find libertarians convenient whenever they want  to score some coke.

I'm having trouble keeping track of the enemy leader du jour -- the latest bearded thug having four hyphens in his name: Hassook Massook -- Hay Baba --  Reebop -- Wadi Wadi, whatever.

I remember what I was doing August 8, 1974. I was crying. Nixon had just announced his resignation which meant that I had to go back to writing my own material.

A group of my fellow revelers in Nixon's travails gathered in front of a non-flat TV screen gleefully anticipating our punching bag's resignation speech.  When it was over there was nary a whoop nor a high five. Instantly sober, we put down our glasses and quietly left.

To the nation, the resignation marked the end of a long Watergate nightmare. For me, it was the end of Mardi Gras, Christmas and my youth.

Forty years later, I barely remember the Watergate jokes. You had to be there. Today, there are similarities to 1974: a 10 year long war is winding down, there are shrill cries to impeach a president and bringing up his name in a bar is a good way to start a fight.

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