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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

Did Ted Cruz mind when compared to Joseph McCarthy? No. Or when he was compared to Machiavelli? No. But when Cruz was recently compared to Elizabeth Warren, he almost had a heart attack. If he had a heart.

Apparently the only way to spending bill could prevent a government shutdown would be to take marijuana away from DC, the District of Cannabis.

The bill bestowed a heap of holiday goodies on the banks -- "A Christmas Carol" in reverse. Tiny Tim gives a fat turkey to Ebenezer Scrooge.

"Fi on you Wall Street cronies!" cried Elizabeth Warren as Hillary, watching on TV said, "Are you talkin' to me?"

We learned from the bill that compromise is vastly overrated.

The Senate Intelligence Committee report on torture is 6000 pages long, soon to be a six-part series on HBO.

The 6000 pages are just the declassified part. We can only imagine what is still classified: the water used in the waterboarding is equal to the approximate gallons of water in Lake Superior.

Khalil Sheik Mohammed was forced to eat a razor blade sandwich while listening to the albums of "American Idol" losers.

Dianne Feinstein scolded that the torture is "a stain on our values and history." Not only that -- it's a barnacle on the Ship of State. An ink blot on the Declaration of Independence. A locust in the amber waves of grain, etc.

When we barbecued 80,000 citizens of Hiroshima in a minute and a half, President Harry Truman didn't say, "that's not who we are."

 

NFL to Ray Rice: Come back, all is forgiven. You know what they say - time heals all of a fianc├ęs wounds.

Egyptian court declares Hosni Mubarak not guilty. His lawyer had charged police bias against dictators.

Chuck Hagel's shall we say -- termination -- was impressive. The 21-gun salute was nice, but did they have to blindfold him?

John Boehner says the American people still have questions about Benghazi. That horse is dead.  Our question is why must you keep kicking it?

 

 

Several years ago I thought the only thing that would get me out of retirement would be if Charles Manson planned to get married. 

In case you forgot, Manson is in prison for the heinous crime of taking executive action on immigration.

Soon, the happy couple will be settling down for life plus 50 years.  

You've heard of a pride of lions and a flock of geese? We now have a tsunami of Cosby accusers.

The Sioux tribe is declaring "an act of war" if the Keystone pipeline is approved.  Time to put the lobbyists in a circle!

Republicans are threatening President Obama with analogies regarding his expected amnesty for illegals: He will be playing with matches. He will be pulling the pin on a live grenade. He will be pulling the pin on a live grenade while playing with matches.

Further warnings are expected: If Obama takes executive action on illegals, he will be wrestling with a crocodile. (Ted Cruz?)

He will be skinny dipping in a tankful of piranhas. Neutering an un-medicated Rottweiler?

Tending a beehive while naked? Should the Republicans have an amnesty analogy contest, these are my entries.

 

The voters have spoken.  Unfortunately they also voted.

With a Republican Senate, a Republican House and a Democrat in the White House, the stars are in perfect alignment for the sky to fall.

Which means a smooth transition from a do-nothing Congress to a do-even-less Congress.

The Palin Torch was passed to Iowa's senator-elect, Joni Ernst who proclaimed "when I get to Washington, I'm gonna make 'em squeal." She will be the chairwoman of the Senate Castration Caucus.

Ironically, gas prices are down, unemployment is down, stocks are up and Obama's approval rating is down. If things continue to improve, Obama will have to be impeached.

 

A government spokesman calls Benjamin Netanyahu "chicken ---". Michael Jordan calls President Obama a "--- golfer". What a country! The land of the crude and the home of the bleep.

For a graduate of William & Mary Jon Stewart has a pretty foul mouth, whose punch line is often "mother ---"

It's been said that dying is easy and comedy is hard.  With assured laughs with the F-bomb, comedy is easy.

Recall George Carlin's seven dirty words you couldn't say on television.  Today, they are almost required.

Stop the presses! Republicans change position on Social Security. You are entitled to entitlements, after all.  At least until November 4.

Ebola named Official Disease of the American media.

In New York City, you can catch it in a bowling alley -- unless you are wearing a protective bowling shirt.

Washington, DC rabbi charged with secretly filming women taking a ritual bath. He may not make it to the Voyeur Film Festival.

The more I watch the Ebola Channel (any of them)the more I feel the symptoms.

In other words, you could get Ebola from too much exposure to television news.

By the time this is over, Fox and MSNBC may have killed more people than Ebola.

Why do we need an Ebola Czar? For the same reason we had an Energy Czar and a Drug Czar. So the government can look busy.

So far, they are treating this disease with massive doses of baloney.

Fear mongering, Texas style: The lieutenant governor says that Muslim prayer rugs were found on the Mexican border. So far, there are no camels in the Alamo.

Republicans are blaming Obama for Ebola and they haven't ruled out mumps.

Republicans' dreams will come true when an ISIS terrorist who has Ebola walks across the Texas border and goes to Washington where he jumps over the White House fence and the Secret Service asks if he's had lunch.

If the Republicans capture the Senate, what will that mean to the average person? It will mean that we will still have 50 states where most people don't know who their senators are.