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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

One thing you must assume
When you use the powder room in Carolina
If your gender you have transed
Have your birth ID in hand or they will fine ya.

If you're now a woman
The governor doesn't care.
He says, "now use the men's room
Nobody will bother you there."

The politicians found the time
To make the bathroom law's a crime, can you perceive it.
Down in old NC bring your proof of birth to pee
Would you believe it?

That state sure must be tranquil
And at peace through and through.
The cops must all look busy
So here's what they do:
Hang around the bathroom stalls
Just to see if you have balls
In Carolina!
When President Obama visits Hiroshima, he will not apologize for the US destroying that city nor should he. Japan never apologized for destroying Detroit.

Japan inflicted pain on us when it exported karaoke.

The nation is watching the Capitol building waiting for that first puff of white smoke indicating that Paul Ryan as endorsed Trump.

Which will make it official: "We have a dictator!"
Being a Republican these days must be like waking up in a strange bed with a hooker and having to fall in love by November.

Paul Ryan says he is not ready to support Trump. Understandable. Before jumping off a cliff you might want to think about it.

Only a few months until they'll all be goose stepping to Cleveland.

On a cheerier not, we've learned that back in 1838, the Jesuit run Georgetown University sold its slaves as a fundraiser. To his credit, Lincoln freed the slaves but never pardoned the Jesuits.


How Trump can make up with Cruz: "Hey Ted, I misspoke. Your dad never knew Lee Harvey Oswald. Maybe it was John Hinckley."

"Hey Ted, three words -- Ambassador to Mexico. Think about it. Syria, maybe?"

"Hey Ted, you and Carly and Heidi make a nice threesome. You coulda carried Utah."

"Hey Ted, I understand that you were upset when you called me a disgusting narcissistic bully and pathological liar. I am not narcissistic."

"Ethiopia?"

"Do you Ted take Carly to be your lawfully wedded running mate until death in Cleveland do you part?"

"I do."

"And do you, Carly, take this hopeless underdog, Ted, even after speaking out against him for months and then doing a flip-flop when he took you in his arms and proposed?"

"I don't like the way you put it but yeah, I do."

"Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you conman and running mate. Ted, you may kiss the bride."

"Do I have to?"

Justice moves slowly. At last, Harriet Tubman will be on the $20 bill and Andrew Jackson will have to sit on the back of the bill.

And yet, a transgender person needs a birth certificate to go to the bathroom in North Carolina.

And you have to feel sorry for liberals who are struggling to accept gay climate change deniers. 

On college campuses, global warming skeptics are being demonized. It's enough to get you kicked off of the debating team.

On today's college debating team both sides must agree with each other.

Start spreadin' da news
It's "eff you" to Cruz
'Cause we made sure he'd lose
New York, New York.

Hey Bernie, what's new?
Here's one little clue
You've met your Waterloo
In Old New York.

And the "Good Donald" in victory
Was quite sedate
With his bad side, the guy could be
His own running mate.

To Cleveland they'll go
The lid's gonna blow
Just like Chicago did
In sixty-eight

And in the Fall we'll see
Trump trashing Hillary
Enough to bring her victory.


Are America's best days still ahead? Absolutely -- so long as none of the candidates win.

Recent LGBT legislation in North Carolina and Mississippi is very simple. If you were born a bigot you must use the senators' bathroom.

When a man becomes a woman, she will start making 79 cents for every dollar she made as a man. You'd think employers would be fine with that.  

Princeton University has decided to keep President Woodrow Wilson's name on some of the campus buildings despite clear evidence that Wilson was a racist. His defenders claim that he has changed.




Six months ago, if only Trump had made a speech insulting Carly Fiorina, Megyn Kelly and John McCain and called Mexicans rapists, and welcomed the support of Klansman David Duke and said that women getting abortions should be punished and bragged about the size of his genitalia maximus -- all in one speech - we might have been spared this Chinese water torture. Drip. Drip. Drip.
Angry rant du jour: Obama went to a ball game in Cuba and did the tango in Argentina, when he should have been doing both in Brussels.

November can't come soon enough when we can finally get to vote on which candidate has the ugliest wife.

Then on January 20, as our new president is sworn in, he will place his hand on the National Enquirer.

The National Enquirer lies by claiming there were five women in this country who found Ted Cruz hot.

Advice to John Kasich: Wear a cap that says, "Make America Sane Again."