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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

Why is the Al Franken situation different? Because I say it is.

Speaking of which -- since Clarence Thomas never speaks why doesn't he write an apology to Anita Hill?

What the tax bill's old trickle-down theory means to me: I will still have to get up in the middle of the night.

Old Zimbabwe joke: "If Mugabe was elephant, his head make nice trophy."
My circuits are overloaded.  let's see, Louis CK should pull out of the Senate race in Alabama, right?

And what about Roy Moore and Kevin Spacey? Which one beat up Rand Paul?

And who is the alleged rapist: Spacey or China? Oh, that's right -- China is no longer a rapist.

But what about Chinese President Xi and the 14-year-old girl? (Xi is pronounced "Z" as in zipper.)

The good news: Harvey Weinstein was fired by Fox News. Besides, that's so last week.
What is the Greek word for collusion? "Papadopoulos".

George Papadopoulos, former Trump guy, is charged with lying about meeting Putin's "cousin" who said she had "dirt" on Hillary. The top secret code name for the source of the dirt is "Fox".

Also indicted is Paul "Double Smirnoff" Manafort. When Paul was born the doctor said, "this baby looks guilty".

Lawyers are getting $1000 an hour for advising their clients to tell the biggest lie in Washington: "I welcome the opportunity to confront these charges."

Meanwhile, President Trump leaves Friday for a 12-day trip across Asia in search of Hillary-dirt in the Himalayas.  
Today is Honor The Veterans With Bone Spurs Day --- in recognition of the men and women who went to Vietnam instead of taking what is known today as the Trump Deferment!

Trump's doctor facilitated his deferment from military service due to bone spurs (BS).

John McCain recently made fun of the president's BS deferment. Bone spurs can be painful and we await the tweet describing pain to Senator McCain.

Trump knew what he wasn't signing up for. Sad.
Due to various Trump-provoked threats from North Korea, Iran and others, I am restoring my old fallout shelter from the 60s.

The canned goods are still there but they didn't have expiration dates back then. Nor did the country.

Does the Campbell Soup company make Cream of Armageddon?

The threat of World War III is real according to Senator Bob Corker. I may call my survival room a Corker Shelter. Trump Cave? Kim Coop?

I don't want to be an alarmist, but before we make America great again -- duck and cover!
Opening in Washington, DC! The Museum of the Bible, immaculately conceived by its creator, the arts and craft folks at Hobby Lobby.

I understand that Hobby Lobby's Ark of the Covenant is made of balsa wood and is impressive. As is the easy-to-assemble fireproof Burning Bush.

In this state-of-the-ark (sorry) museum there is a sign saying, "no animals were mistreated by Noah."

In the revised, updated text, Jesus feeds 5000 people with one fish fillet sandwich.

Let me say that when I read the Bible, I don't take Hobby Lobby literally.

Washington is getting cluttered with museums. The oldest is the US Congress, a wax museum which features a life-like Mitch McConnell.   
In my book, Afghanistan spelled backwards is Vietnam.

Apparently, Trump watched the Ken Burns film on the Vietnam War, took note of the tragic mistakes and jotted them down on his "things to do" list.

It's National Ethnic Cleansing Month in Burma, directed by the Violent Buddhists Association. That's right, violent Buddhists. What's next -- blood thirsty Amish?

Where is the Buddhist holy man, the Dalai Lama? Hey, Dalai -- if you are levitating, you might want to come down and pick up a newspaper.

Then you have the strategic hands-off approach of Burma's leader, Aung San Suu Kyi. She should trade in her Nobel Prize for a seeing eye dog. 
As we say in show-biz, Trump killed at the UN, calling Kim Jong Il "Rocket Man". Was that a joke or our Korean strategy? Or is there a difference?

Trump's joke didn't get a laugh. He may have threatened North Korean but he bombed in New York.

Cops in St Louis and Baltimore were found not guilty in recent murder cases -- giving encouragement to the Black Lives Don't Necessarily Matter movement.

Harvard has rescinded its visiting fellowship offered to Chelsea Manning. But she still gets to keep the University's Benedict Arnold award.
There's a new healthcare plan
Which few have supported
If your doctor's a Dreamer
She is being deported.

By rescinding DACA, Trump violates LWEA -- Leave Well Enough Alone.

It's all about DOL -- Destroying Obama's Legacy.

Prediction: Trump will eventually be brought down by SIT -- Self-impeaching Tweets.

So here we are with DACA, Harvey, Irma and NACONK -- Not a Clue On North Korea. WTF!
Accepting Trump's pardon, Joe Arpaio and the president celebrated by profiling workers at a Taco Bell.

It's the new climate control. A hurricane hits Texas and Trump pardons Arpaio. A wall to keep out hurricanes would have been less nutty.

In this climate, abnormal behavior is the new normal.

The emperor may have no clothes but he would be wearing a straight jacket.