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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

Psychiatrists haven't the time to analyze Trump or Hillary's mental state. The shrinks are too busy treating the rest of us.

In this snake pit of an election year, the entire country is on the couch.

And poor Uncle Sam's treatments aren't even covered by Obamacare.

When they write the history of The Election of 2016, it should be called "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."
Donald Trump's tax returns are hidden somewhere. Let's call them his weapons of mass deductions.

The tax code allows Donald to write off his suits as a business expense because he owns a line of clothing. Which includes his supporters' brown shirts.

No, his supporters are not Nazis. I was just being sarcastic.

I guess the slaves in Bangladesh who make his caps don't pay taxes either.

Hey -- Trump doesn't really own slaves. Again, I was being sarcastic. On, second thought, maybe not.
Here's the question facing America today? Why should we let Donald Trump anywhere near the nuclear button when he doesn't have all of his own buttons?

Philly, Day Four:

Hillary's acceptance speech can be boiled down into six words: You want it? You got it.

Maybe 12 words: Go forth and on your way out, pat Bernie on the head.

Earlier, General John Allen did his imitation of George C. Scott in the movie, "Patton".

Our country is not as dark as Trump describes and not as sunny as Hillary describes. It's something in between -- partly cloudy with a chance of locusts.


To borrow a word from Uncle Joe Biden, the American people must decide which candidate has the better malarkey.

Philly, Day Three:

Democrats, be grateful. You will never have it this easy.

An opponent who grotesquely mocks people with cerebral palsy? Check.

An opponent who asks the Russians to hack into the United States? Check.

An opponent who is playing the treason card? Check.

But not playing with a full deck? Like I said -- be grateful.

Philly, Day Two:

With Hillary Clinton's historic nomination, my favorite feminists come to mind -- my wife and the late, great humorists, Erma Bombeck and Molly Ivins.

With a female presidency possibly on the horizon, I can see Erma taking a day off from satirizing household chores, and Molly temporarily laying down the hatchet she generally applied to the feckless Texas State Legislature to celebrate.

As we watched Bill Clinton's speech praising his wife, my wife wiped away a tear and I made a snarky remark about Bill and Monica Lewinsky. My wife didn't throw anything at me, but she would have been justified.



 

Philly, Day One:

A well-balanced ticket. Crooked Hillary and Citizen Kane.

I never expected to hear chants of "lock her up" at a Democratic Convention. They were referring to Debbie Wasserman Schultz.

Ya see, Democratic Headquarters had been bugged. By the Russians. And who was the chief bugger? G. Gordon Liddski.

The bugging revealed that Schultz and the DNC (Democratic National Conspirators) rigged the election toward Hillary. Which infuriated Bernie's running mate, Sarah Silverman.

Which provoked more chants - "It's not too late to send him money. Bernie Sanders, 2020!"

Cleveland, Day Four:

In his acceptance speech, Donald Trump finally looked presidential. President Mussolini.

Scary. How scary? I'm still under the bed where I'm writing this.

How scary? Outside the hall in Cleveland, Lake Erie froze.

But help is on the way. We look forward to next January 20 when no longer will we have to lock our doors at night.

Come January 20, the sun will shine, the flowers will bloom, the birds will sing, there will be no more crime and everyone will get a chocolate chip cookie and a puppy.

This nation will have a new birth of freedom and the Republican party will have a new logo: Ted Cruz's head on a spike.

Cleveland, Day One:

Rudy Guliani missed his distemper shot.

In the words of Melania Trump: "Donald and I met when he was teaching law at the University of Chicago."

Cleveland, Day Two:

The glassy-eyed mob shouts "guilty" to Chris Christie's anti-Hillary harangue. Christie is caught plagiarizing Pontius Pilate.

Cleveland, Day Three:

After being booed, Ted Cruz was so mad, he may shut down the government -- again.

Veep hopeful, Mike Pence to the rescue. Trump is so wild, they had to put a governor on him.

Mike Pence -- good choice. He will deliver the white male vote.

I was hoping for Newt Gingrich as Trump's running mate but I realize that my cup runneth over already.

Pence brought religious freedom to Indiana where Christian bakers are not compelled to sell wedding cakes with two male statuettes standing on top.

Slouching toward Cleveland, demonstrators may legally carry weapons while delegates inside the area must be unarmed. And that includes guns, cans of food and second thoughts about the nominee.

Ohio State Police were watching one heavily armed demonstrator until they realized it was Governor John Kasich.

Paraphrasing Lincoln: A house divided is sinking into Lake Erie.