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  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen
  • Mark Russell
  • and Jay Leno
  • Art Buchwald, Chevy Chase and President Ford
  • Vivre la France
  • and Mort Sahl
  • and Woody Allen

A Few More Notes from Mark Russell

So, okay. Retirement was fine. For two years. I traveled. I read books. It was fun.

Fifty years ago I promised myself that I would retire on the day that I would be required to write a song about trans-vaginal ultrasounds.  I decided to unretire when I heard that member of Congress had been cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. How can you make that up?

So, I'm back to work. Shortly a schedule of public shows will be listed. Also a list of PBS Stations that we know will be carrying a 30-year retrospective of my work, entitled "Mark Russell's America" during October and/or November. As they say, you should check your local listings or call your local station for the date and time.

We'll continue to update the website.  We're still trying to figure out getting songs up. But we're working on it.
Thanks for asking about me and thanks for all the kind messages about my retirement. You will all get a personal response. It just might take a bit longer than I would like.

Oh, and one more thing.  Don't forget to vote -- if only to keep political humor alive!

A Note from Mark:

In 2010 I decided to stop performing.    I had a show upcoming in July of that year, in one of my favorite venues, the Amphitheatre at Chautauqua Institution, and thought it would be a fine place to end 60 years of nearly non-stop performing and traveling.    

It turned out to be a perfect night.   My children and grandchildren who are scattered across the United States were in attendance, some of the grandchildren seeing me for the first time.    They may still not understand what I did, but at least they saw me do it.   A number of close friends, who were in the know that this would be my final show, also made the trek north from Washington, DC to Chautauqua, NY to join in this final evening.Read More

Latest Jokes

Updated phone message: "You have reached the Clinton Foundation. What's in your wallet?"

The right wing's out to get us, Hillary chimes.

The Washington Post and New York Times?

Every day a crisis -- that's how it plays.

The Lewinski years were the good old days.

Bill Clinton made 100 mil since 2001.

From speeches made to companies like Uranium One.

The outfit owns deposits right here at home.

The mines are in Wyoming right near Teapot Dome.

Hillary reacts with her usual aplomb.

Though her campaign may explode with a uranium bomb.

No need to worry -- it's hardly worth a mention.

If nobody but Fox is paying attention.

 

 

Monday, April 13 was Day One of the official Clinton campaign. It was also day 572 of Clinton Fatigue.

Hillary headed for Iowa in a van which she dubbed, Scooby-Doo". Cute, if only the legal voting age was 12.

Cuba is no longer on the list of states that sponsor terrorism. Cuba's new designation: The Land Where Old Cars Go To Die.

Security glitch of the week: A one-man home made helicopter flew over Washington and landed near the Capitol building. I thought it was Rand Paul's campaign plane. 

Hillary announced her candidacy on Twitter. She couldn't rent a ballroom? What's she got against the hotel industry? Real Americans like balloons.

She immediately resigned from the board of the Clinton Foundation. These particular family values would not be helpful.

Enter Marco Rubio whose first task is to convince the voters that he, Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are not the same person. Think Tea Party Holy Trinity.

In Rand Paul's stunningly dumbed-down announcement, he pledged term limits and a balanced budget amendment. This resonated with 20-year-olds who were hearing these tired, 20-year-old clich├ęs for the first time.

Reconciliation with the US is lifting the spirits of the Cuban people but maybe they should hold off on the Bay of Pigs Visitor Center.

The US and Iran disagree on what they just agreed on -- like newlyweds who don't remember taking their vows because they were drunk at the time.

John McCain called John Kerry "delusional". McCain could be censured by the entire Senate Delusional Caucus.

Big breakthrough on talks with Iran. The collapse is now postponed until June 30.

The Iranian leaders are softening. They now say the Holocaust might have happened.

Questions in Indiana remain. Can a Christian bakery be forced to sell hot cross buns to Jewish lesbians?

"You've got the law all wrong", says Indiana Governor Mike Pence. "It's not about discrimination, it's about religious freedom to discriminate -- there's a big difference."

Ted Cruz applied for Obamacare even though he promises to abolish it. His advanced phoniness is a pre-existing condition.

Indiana passed a law, making it easier to restrict serving Gays on religious grounds -- on the theory that if God wanted Gays to be served, he would have created Burger Queen.

Utah announced it will employ firing squads if they run out of drugs for lethal injections -- or, I imagine, if the guillotine breaks down.

The Supreme Court will decide if the state of Texas can allow an inflammatory message on its license plates. I'd say the word "Texas" is inflammatory enough.

 

 

New national anthem of Israel: "Yes Sir, That's My Bibi".

What is wrong with a two-state solution in Israel? It works with North Carolina and South Carolina, North Dakota and South Dakota, North Korea and South Korea. Okay, two out of three.

If you believe financial institutions can police themselves, you probably believe the police can police themselves.

England's King Richard III who died in 1485 will be properly buried this week, his remains having been discovered under a parking lot three years ago. Who will the US send to the funeral? We'll have to dig somebody up.

Here's an update on the nominee for Attorney General: Loretta Lynched.

The Republicans attached the Loretta Lynch confirmation to the human trafficking bill which felt so good, they stuck on an anti-abortion measure for old times sake so the Democrats couldn't vote for it.

And you thought "House of Cards" was cynical.

Delaying a human trafficking bill for petty political purposes amounts to the slavery and child prostitution preservation act.

There will be a vote on Loretta Lynch when Mitch McConnell is good and ready -- around the Easter recess. Of 2016 or 2017, if anybody still remembers who she is. Ain't nothin' like good government.

 

The proposal to remove Andrew Jackson from the twenty dollar bill and replace him with a woman makes sense to me. After all, we already have towns named Jackson, counties named Jackson, streets named Jackson, plus the Jackson 5.

Among the proposed women to bump off Andy are Eleanor Roosevelt, Susan B. Anthony and Rosa Parks, who of course, would be a two-fer.

Another nominee is Margaret Sanger, the mother, shall we say, of birth control. I suppose with Sanger twenties, your assets would have less chance of multiplying.

Should we wait until we have a female president to put a woman on the money? Let's just say the Clinton twenty? Then, when the South secedes from the Union, Andrew Jackson would remain on the Confederate twenty. Problem solved.

Amid unbridled rapture and multiple ovations, the newly crowned Honorary Republican, Benjamin Netanyahu, brought down the house. And the Senate. And the Obama negotiations.

Netanyahu's demands: Iran must recognize Israel's right to exist and Israel must recognize Netanyahu's right to be reelected.

Iran must play nice in the region and beat its centrifuges into plowshares. The Ayatollah Khomeini must lie down with a lamb.

Next on the agenda: the Republicans will pass a bill attaching the derailing of the Iran negotiations to the funding of the Department of Homeland Security.

Heard about Steven Spielberg's upcoming movie about Hillary? "Saving Private E-mail".

Who says our government is disfunctional? Congress is keeping the Department of Homeland Security on life support for another week, inspite of Republican efforts to pull the plug.

i sleep better at night knowing that our country is safe one week at a time.

But, how safe can Boehner be when the Tea Party just gave him a week's stay of execution?

Scott Walker compares unions with ISIS. And while we're at it -- let's abolish those pesky child labor laws.

Netanyahu's address to Congress could be billed as Boehner's Bar Mitzvah.